My guilty goodbye
by Itachi. Oh Enka
Summary: What if Mello survived? What if Matt didn't? MelloMatt. Suicide.


**Disclaimer:** Death Note isn't mine, sorry.  
**Warning:** This story contains soft yaoi, violence and suicide.

**AN:**  
For a while I've been thinking of this story after an AMV I watched on YouTube where Matt died and Mello mourned over Matt's death, the pictures were just lovely and the song I think was called Kissing You, I can't really remember.

People, don't just add to favourites or whatever _please_ Review, because it helps me know that people like my work, and I don't feel like I'm wasting a day of my life to write this if no one will tell me what they thought, or their reactions to the stuff that happens, so please, review.

"My Guilty Goodbye." - Speech.  
'_My guilty goodbye_.' - Thoughts.  
_My guilty goodbye_. - Flashbacks/Memories (same thing).

* * *

My guilty goodbye

Mello was driving, his emotions were on a steady turn, though his heart was hammering against his chest, turning to the small T.V an image of Matt's car appeared, Mello gulped slightly, his stomach fluttering with worry..

'_No.. No.._' He thought, his face staying to an emotionless - yet angry - face. Mello's hands clutched the steering wheel as he stared at the body of Matt laying across the bonnet of his car. Mello's eyes closed for a moment then opened as if he blinked.

"I'm sorry for getting you killed Matt." He said half heartedly, glaring at the mirror in the truck showing Takada in the back, writing something on paper. his heart hammered harder, the feeling in his stomach, guilt, nervousness and a feeling he did not get, unless he was alone with his best friend. Slamming his foot down on the break Mello got out of the truck and walked to the back, opening the doors he pointed a gun at Takada as he stepped in.

"What are you _doing_?" He hissed, the woman paused and dropped her pen. Mello's devilish, angry smile scarred her, just as planned.

Takada gulped nervously, "I - .. I'm -"

"You're _what_?" Mello yelled, then backed off as the girl fell to her side, pen slipping from her hand, his eyebrow rose as a fire started in his truck.

"Holy shit!" He yelled, placing his gun in the back of his leather trousers and running off, anywhere he could find safe until he couldn't hear the crackles of the flames, or the screams from the hostage. His legs moved more than he ordered them to, no idea where he was running he ran down a crowded street, pushing through the people in the road, until he paused.

'_The fuck?_' He thought looking around the crowd, pushing through the nosey people, until he saw it. A red car, an empty street, shattered windows, glass scampered all over the car and floor surrounding it, and a body. A red and black shirt, with a light beige-ish jacket with fur on the arms and hem, he gulped as he saw goggle disguised eyes and red hair.

"Matt!" He screamed, people staring at him as he ran forward to Matt. Mumbles surrounded the crowd, all talking of Mello, Matt or both of them.

"How sad, he lost his best friend," Mello heard someone say.

A scoff was heard, "His own fault."

Mello glared at Matt's dead body, cradling the limp, cold figure in his arms, he sighed. "This wasn't our plan, Matt. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, you fucking idiot!" He yelled, burying his head into a bloody jacket.

"Sir," Mello looked up to a young woman, kneeling in front of him. "Did you know this man?" A microphone was pressed against Mello's lips, he moved back, clutching onto his friend.

"What does it look like to you?" The mafia leader asked, glaring at the camera man then her.

The woman gulped, "I.. I'm sorry," She said frightened. Mello sighed and looked at his dead friends body, stroking pale, cold skin, turning a blue colour.

"Yes, I knew him.." He answered after a while. The woman's microphone was still by Mello's lips, making him gulp as people surrounded him.

"What was his name?" She asked.

Mello hesitated for a while, before standing up, carrying Matt bridal style, "Mail Jeevas," He said softly, before walking to Matt's car and placing Matt in the back, lying him across the seats, before getting in and turning on the ignition, the car still miraculously working.

Before driving away Mello heard a small laugh, "We got it." He heard the voice say, but ignored it, driving back to the apartment he sh- used to share with Matt. Just thinking of living alone made Mello laugh, he'd never been alone since Matt came into his life, he couldn't remember what it felt like to not have Matt by his side, laughing, smiling or hitting the blonde on the shoulder, just _being_ there, was enough for Mello.

Glancing into the rear view mirror Mello smiled sadly, "I'm so sorry Matt." He whispered just wishing the red head would give a small groan and sit up, glaring at Mello for driving his car. Then, probably freak out about the holes in his car, rather than himself, the thought in general made Mello smile.

By the time Mello reached his apartment, Matt's face was going a darker blue, as if Matt's now pale skin was plastered in bruises. The mafia member picked up Matt bridal style and carried him inside their apartment, ignoring the cries of his neighbours about bringing dead _things_ into the building. Mello merely scoffed and carried his Matt to their room.

Laying the red head on the bed, Mello stripped himself of his coat and boats, and did the same for Matt with his bloody beige vest and boots, he smiled and stroked a cold cheek, wanting Matt to only open his eyes and smile up at Mello.

"I fucked up big time Matty." Mello whispered, leaning down to kiss unresponsive lips, "I fucked up _real_ big, you shouldn't of agreed, Matt. You stupid pansy ass." Mello laughed softly, his voice crackling at every word.

Mello shook his head, blonde hair falling over his eyes as he felt them well up. His throat closed up, burning with a lump, he tried to gulp down, but own found it to make him sob. "You fucking pansy ass Matt!" He said angrily, tears falling down his face and onto Matt's face.

"You stupid mother fucker!" He sobbed against Matt's bloody neck, touching Matt's cold hands and staring at the whole in his palm, bringing it to his lips he kissed the wound tenderly, Matt's blood painting his lips.

_Matt laughed loudly, his arm around the leader of the mafia, trust Mello to make a joke after a very serious matter, of course, trust Mello at all to be serious about something which was just well, ridiculous._

_"You moron, Mel." Matt said smiling as Mello nuzzled against him._

_Mello shrugged and grinned, "No more of an idiot than you Matty," He replied softly, then looked up at the red head, "Matt, d'you believe in Heaven?" He asked._

_Matt stared down into Mello's deep blue eyes and sighed, "Maybe, maybe not. It's not something I can agree on, just question."_

_Mello nodded in understanding._

_"I believe in Heaven." He stated as he yawned. Matt yawned._

_"Yeah?" He asked, feeling Mello nod against his neck._

_"Yeah, because when I'm with my pansy ass of a boyfriend, I feel as if I'm in Heaven, but if this isn't Heaven, I'm sad to miss out on the real thing." He laughed._

_Matt grinned and stroked Mello's blonde locks. "You're not going to miss out, Mihael." Matt whispered, knowing that Mello's real name would touch the blonde._

_Mello smiled, "If I go to Hell, will you come with me?" He asked._

_"Yeah, of course."_

_And Mello knew that even if Heaven was full of video games, and machines of cigarettes, that Matt would pass it all up, just for him, and with that, Mello fell asleep, knowing those warm arms, were the only thing keeping him sane_..

Glancing down at Matt he felt his throat burn again, but decided to close his eyes and bare the facts, Matt was dead, and that was all that Mello could think was destroying him, of course, he would have to contact Near, to tell Roger, to get a funeral together, and of course.. another just in case.

Reaching for his mobile phone, Mello placed the gun down to Matt's bare stomach (as he had stripped him previously to see the shot wounds) and dialled Near's number, listening to the annoying ringing whilst he waited, then something clicked.

"Hello?" A familiar voice asked into the phone, Mello gulped back the lump in his throat, anger welling inside him which he held back.

"Near." He spoke firmly.

He heard a small gasp, "Mello.. is that you?" Near asked nervously. Mello laughed bitterly and ran his shaky fingers through blonde hair, his eyes filling with tears as he never thought he would make this call, ever.

"It's.. about Matt." He said, disguising his tears.

"I know." Near whispered. "As does Roger and everybody else. Matt died rather harshly, don't you agree?"

Mello gulped back his anger and a sob, "Yeah. So I need you to arrange a funeral, m- maybe two." He muttered the last part, earning another gasp from Near.

"Mello, you're not implying.. -"

"- Yeah, I'm implying suicide. What of it?" The blonde spoke angrily. "What's the point Near? You fucking won, okay? I'll never over come you, I can never seem to beat you, you win, in everything you stupid little fuck!" Mello hissed.

Near chuckled sadly, "I don't beat you in everything, and it seems, you have won something, my old friend." Near said softly.

"What?" Mello hissed.

Near sighed, "You've lived a life of love, and care from friends and Matt, I know about you two Mello, I've known since just before you left the Wammy house, the night you left, Matt said he'd come with you, I heard it all Mello, I saw it all. I didn't care, because I envied you. You beat me at that.."

Mello smiled slightly, shaking his head in amusement, then stroking red locks, blood covering his hand. "You fucking loser." He muttered.

"Yeah." Near muttered.

Mello let out a deep sigh, "Friendship was fucking hard with you Near, you were so smart, and so good at everything, you treated it all as a puzzle, as if it were all easy, your emotions never stood in the way, but with myself.. They just did."

"That's why you called me first, and not Roger." Near said, Mello swore he was smirking. "Because my rational skills would be suitable for arranging something and sorting it all out, right? Because I would be calm and reassuring."

Mello smirked, "Yeah." He answered. "You're right.."

"Goodbye Mello, I'll inform Roger immediately."

Mello felt his throat burn again, "Thank you," he said, hearing Near gasp, "Oh, and Near, please.. Don't tell Roger about my suicide, not yet, just say two, one for Matt and an unidentified body, goodbye, Near." Mello said, hanging up the phone.

Picking up his gun from Matt's waist with his blooded hand he leant down and pressed his lips to Matt's temple.

"Come join me in Hell," he whispered and then he pulled the trigger.

* * *

Near stared down at the two bodies, one topless, covered in holes and blood, a hand print of blood on his face, which he could only suspect Mello had kissed the red haired boy, Near shook his head and smiled sadly, staring at the blonde figure.

"Oh, Mello." Roger muttered from beside him, "What a terrible way to go, but at least, he was with his best friend."

Near scoffed and sat on the bed, staring up at Roger and then looking back down to the figures on the bed, a small sad smile on his face and he touched both their heads, a symbol of his thanks to them, for being in his life, for being (no matter what Mello would have said) his first friends.

"You know nothing," He said calmly to Roger, before calling the police and the nearest hospital, leaving Roger be-wildered, for what didn't Roger didn't know was the bond binding the three men, and the sting that had broken, for now, it was Matt and Mello, and just Near on the side.

* * *

**  
AN:** I know the ending is kind of confusing, and as for the whole story, I don't know how I did, but I'd appreciate your reviews and your kind reports, no flaming please, as I worked hard on this, maybe it's not my best, but for now I don't care.

Review, please.


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